Tips on Keeping your Marriage Strong.

  

It saddens me when I hear the divorce rate is so high, for a first marriage the divorce rate in the United States is 40% - 50% and increases with second and third marriages.   According to statistics, one out of every two couples is headed for divorce; that is depressing to think about.  When couples get divorced it affects not only the couple but all the people around them.  If there are children involved, they are forced to change their whole living situation not to mention all the emotional struggles they are faced with.  In most cases each partner loses part of their family; for instance, when a couple gets divorced they most likely won’t be spending holidays with their ex’s family or attending birthday parties with cousins on that side of the family any more.  Depending on whether or not they liked their partner’s family, this can lead to a feeling of loss and feeling left out because they are not part of the family.  Friends are often lost or forgotten about too.  When a couple separates friends often feel like they have to choose witch partner to stay friends with.  It can be a difficult choice for instance, when my longtime friend who is a male married, I really liked his wife and we became very close friends.  When they divorced he did not want me to remain friends with her.  Although I did remain friends with her it is difficult when we host parties because each of them will be unhappy if we invite the other.  Divorce is messy anyway you look at it and it affects others almost if not more than the couple getting the divorce.

I have been with my husband for over 20 years and we have four wonderful children together.  We have had our ups and downs just like many couples.  It is unrealistic to think that every day is going to be perfect; it’s actually some of the bad days that make a marriage stronger.  There are several things that can also put added stress on a marriage too.  Although having children is awesome, it can also be very demanding to raise children and often takes time away from the couple and their marriage.  Sometimes in laws can interfere with a marriage and often offer unwanted input when raising the children or other sticky subjects.  There can be financial strains that put added stress on a marriage and there is always the stress of one partner feeling like they do more around the house or with the parenting.  Needless to say Marriage can be stressful but if you put the time and effort into taking care of your marriage you will be happy that you did because there is nothing more amazing than two people sharing a whole life together.

Here are some useful tips to keep your marriage strong:

Tip #1

Make time for each other! 

You should spend at least an hour a day with just your spouse.  This can include text messages or talking on the phone during the day.  It can also include talking to each other after the children have gone to bed (make sure the TV is off and the cell phones are not in hand).  You should go out on a date at least one night a week.  When our children were small we used to have date night on Tuesday because it was easy to find a babysitter on a Tuesday night.  If you can’t afford to go out once a week, plan a date night at home after the kids have gone to bed.

Tip #2

Make sure your partner knows they are special to you. 

Making them a priority in your life is very important especially if you have children.  After our children were born it was difficult to keep my husband a priority in my life because of all the demands of motherhood.  My husband joked that he was going to get a tattoo that said “6th” on his arm because the four children and myself came before him.  Once I started to realize he needed to come first sometimes too, we both started to feel better about our relationship.  You don’t have to buy lavish gifts for someone to feel special.  My husband likes nice socks, one day out of the blue I said “oh honey I bought you some new socks today” he was thrilled; you would have thought I bought him a new car.  He was happy that he didn’t have to ask for them or remind me to buy him new socks, I just bought them because I knew he liked socks.  Like I said it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, sometimes it’s the little things that make you feel special.   I recall one of the many times my husband made me feel special.  We often go out for drinks with our friends on a Friday night, I was working late but agreed to meet him when I got out, he didn’t want me to have to drive home alone at the end of the night so he had our teenage kids come pick up my car so I could drive home with him at the end of the night.

Tip #3

Make sure you appreciate your partner.

Appreciation is a big part of a happy marriage!  If you are not showing appreciation for each other it often leaves the relationship feeling vulnerable.  It often makes you feel like you are doing something wrong when you are not validated for your efforts.  My husband works long hours sometimes 14-15 hour days.  When he comes home at night I always greet him at the door with a big hug and a kiss (yes even after 20 years) and thank him for working so hard for our family.  Even though I work too, he feels like he should be the provider and when I thank him for working so hard he feels validated and special.  My husband also knows how to make me feel appreciated; recently I had an extraordinary busy week and was exhausted at the end of the week.  My husband knew how tired I was so he made sure the house was picked up and the laundry was done and then he poured me a glass of wine gave me a back massage.   He knows that I like a clean house and attention so he was showing me that he appreciated that way. Men loved to be appreciated and woman love to be adored; if we appreciate each other in a way that makes us feel good you can expect to experience a great relationship.

Tip #4

Do things together.

It is so important to do things together because to forms a bond and brings you closer together.  It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do it together, it can be anything from going on a walk or planning a vacation together.  I personally love to go on a vacation with my husband.  We have time to relax and reconnect without all the stresses of the outside world.  I know it can be costly to travel but the memories you make, parasailing, snorkeling, and swimming with the dolphins are going to last a lifetime and bring you closer together as a couple

I hope you found these tips helpful.  If you have other suggestions I would love to hear from you!