Grow Old Together Not Apart

When I got married in my early twenties, I did not have an idealistic view about marriage.  I thought you got married and you lived happily ever after.  I actually thought my husband was there to make me happy.  I expected him to show up for me in ways I wouldn’t even show up for myself.  Boy, did I have a lot to learn!  We actually both did!  Over the course of our marriage we changed a lot.  We have gone through almost three decades together, of course we have changed!

I want to share with you some of the things we have done in our marriage that helped us stay together and not grow apart.

Be willing to compromise

In the beginning of my marriage, it was my way or the highway!  (It’s my parents’ fault.  they spoiled me).  But all kidding aside, it was really hard to have someone interject their opinions and decisions about my life.  Before I was married, I made all my own decisions, no one was ever going to tell me what to do.  Like I said, I had a lot to learn!  I don’t think my marriage would have ever lasted if I didn’t learn the art of compromising.  I had to really learn the skills of compromising.  I learned to really listen and fully understand where my husband was coming from.  I had to consider what was fair and also voice my opinions so I could be heard too.  Much to my surprise, when I started doing this, my husband actually had some really good ideas! 

 Discuss the future all the time!

 Often times our marriages can get off track.  We get busy with work and kids and all the other things going on around us.  It is important to continue to discuss your future.  You are not the same person that you were last year.  You are always changing and evolving.  Discussing the future helps you stay connected.  When you do it, it lets your partner know where you are and also where you are going.  Plus, I think it is really fun to dream really big about your future plans!

 Do not try to change your partner.

 Accept your partner for who they are!  Do not try to change them to who you want them to be!  I was constantly wanting to change my husband when we first got married.  Then I realized he is not going to change. (I could change my behaviors to get what I wanted from him, but I will save that for another day).  When my husband could show up exactly who he was and I showed him I loved him unconditional and did not want to change a thing about him, that was a game changer!

 I hope you find some useful information to help you have a long relationship where you grow old together!